Thursday, 8 March 2012

'With Tiffany's on speed dial, one can positively outdo a certain Jay-Z fellow'

Cheering crowds waving Union Jacks have greeted Queen Elizabeth II in Leicester to mark the start of Her Majesty’s highly anticipated ‘Queen Of Diamonds’ Jubilee Tour around many inner-city precincts and selected arenas. An insider source has teased fans, promising that after a hard week brainstorming the order of show with special guest opening act Prince Philip, with a bottle of gin in hand no doubt, eagerly awaited covers of Kanye West’s Grammy attaining song ‘Diamonds From Sierra Leone’ and Diamond Dog’s ‘InThe Church’ have been confirmed to both feature on the setlist and the Queen has specifically ordered her fandom that they ‘must turn one’s swag on’ as she gulped down her mid-morning brandy.

When asked about her outfits for her forthcoming tour, amid many guessing attempts by the media all over the world, much like the Duke and Duchess’ wedding last April it has been carefully laid under wraps with the only teaser given by Her Royal Highness herself promising, ‘When one has the power of a personal assistant and the Windsor family HSBC Platinum plated debit card, one can choose to wear as much ‘bling- bling’ as one would so wish.’

The last public sighting of the Her Majesty was by onlookers outside the Leicester Theatre as she was spotted embracing her entrepreneurial spirit by flogging discounted, cheaply duplicated tour merchandise spread out on a woolen rug to members of the passing public.


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