That's A Bit Rich!

According to David Cameron, in a speech yesterday in Kent debating ideas for a welfare reform before the Torie’s produced their manifesto for the next general election, the UK benefit system has gone ‘truly awry’ or ‘down the shitters’ (Source- Cameron’s pre-finalized edition of his speech). Why? Apparently ‘millions of working-age people were sitting at home on benefits from the taxpayer even before the recession hit’ which gives David Cameron and his MP’s more in common with millions of said people than he realizes, for the only difference is that much of the government were sitting at home on UK taxpayer’s benefits before AND after the recession hit. That’s a bit rich coming from you Cammers!

Meanwhile Labour are planning a Robin Hood-esque ‘steal from the rich and give to the poor’ operation (mainly from D-Cam’s personal funds reportedly) to try and provide a U turn to the proposals. However there’s only one main problematic factor with that suggestion… Ed Miliband in tights.

It also seems that  David 'Durex' Cameron has gone all Condom-servative with his range of new contraception in a bid to stop the unemployed from ‘breeding’ which is currently in development. More to be heard from the ‘Don’t Be A Fool, Cover Your Tool’ campaign movement.

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Budget Banter (2012 Edition)

George Osborne delivered his anxiously awaited 2012 Budget plans earlier today, consequently evoking praise from PM David Cameron as he delivered his statement simultaneously with 'pet' puppy dog Nick Clegg which essentially stated that it was a budget that 'every liberal could be proud of'. Following this, Ed Miliband kindly passed Dave a dictionary after the officials so as to ensure that he could never again embarrassingly confuse the definition of 'liberal' with that of 'wealthy'. What exactly did Oxford teach you Cameron?


The primary controversial subject that ensued from Osborne's budget was the proposal of diminishing the 50p top tax rate by 5% to 45p which subsequently would 'only cost the Treasury £100 million, which is comparatively little against the current MP expense claims'.


If it is generally judged by society as morally wrong to 'steal candy from a baby' as it were, it is clear that Osborne's accumulated petty grudges regarding all of those unnecessary 'Elderly prioritised' bus seats, mobility scooter tankers and early bird exclusive swimming sessions have now somewhat been deemed, in George's mind, as justifiable to steal from pensioners instead. I suppose they had it coming really.


The Tories surprisingly revealed their guilty pleasure and political inspiration source while delivering the adjusted quote, 'We are all in it together', originally from 2006 Disney pre-teen blockbuster, 'High School Musical'. Wishful thinking required Cameron and Clegg to burst out into apparent 'spontaneous' song and dance routine in the midst of the Cabinet. It should be addressed however, that if the Tories plan to go down the Disney movie route to aid brainstorming their 'smart things to say' checklist it may become increasingly noticeable if, in event of Conservative downfall in the next General Election, Cameron states that it is due to the 'circle of life' and the unfortunate fact that it happens to 'move us all'.


Meanwhile, Ed Miliband announced his debut album entitled 'Granny Tax' which is reported to feature exclusive nasal interviews.

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